North of the Wall - Bran! If you don't recall, he wasn't even in the previous season, so this was a long time coming. Last we saw him, he finally found the 3-Eyed Raven (or 3-Eyed Crow, depending on your preference). We open with Bran and his new teacher both blank-eyed and dreaming.
We find ourselves in Winterfell, which looks sunny and relatively happy (which is strange to say the least). Before long, we notice the boys that are fighting are a very young Ned and Benjen (go figure we see a flashback of Benjen before we find out what actually happened to him). I believe we also see Brandon standing with their Master-At-Arms. In a nice little throw-back we hear Ned tell Benjen to keep his shield up or he'd ring Benjen's head like a bell. Now we know where Jon might have learned that one. We also get a look at their wolf-spirited sister Lyanna, who we've heard mentioned between Robert and Ned back in Season 1.
Bran also sees a big lad named Willis who turns out to be Hodor! He can talk, fight a bit, and seems like the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. We also see a very not-so-old Nan! Makes me really miss our original Old Nan as well (her voice in those early trailers made them so wonderfully haunting).
After seeing this heartwarming scene that took us back to an earlier Stark generation, Bran's new mentor tells him it's time to go home, because as we've learned well by now, Summer never lasts and Winter is coming... Although by the looks of things, it's darn near here.
Snapping back from the vision, Bran laments just when he's shown something he cares about, that he's pulled away. His teacher replies, poetically (if darkly) that everything under the sea is beautiful but stay too long and you'll drown. Bran needs to come back or he would waste away.
Hodor looks happy to hear Bran's revelation about him, but if there's more to it, he's not telling.... Hodor takes Bran outside to see Meera who looks cold, frustrated and restless. Her brothers death seems to be weighing heavily on her and it appears she feels without purpose now. Bran's excited pronouncements about his visions don't seem to stir her at all. When Hodor has carried Bran back inside, one of the Children (who look positively otherworldly!) tells Meera that he will need her in the war to come. It sounds like Bran will be leaving the Raven's tutelage at some point (though who can tell when that will be). Meera looks out over the distant North and it is a vast, open, flat, frigid wasteland. Nothing good will be coming from there....
Castle Black - Thorne has had it with waiting and Davos is set, at this point, to fight. He and The Holdouts unsheathe weapons, Ghost goes into his patented super battle mode and they brace for impact. A bruiser starts whaling on the door with a wooden mallet, giving the men inside moments to contemplate their premature fate, guarding the corpse of their Lord Commander. Just as the door starts giving way, a thunderous boom hits Castle Black's southern gate. It blows inward and IT'S DOLOROUS EDD, A GIANT AND A WILDLING HORDE! Man, leave it to Edd to get the job done. This was certainly another whoop and cheer moment.
The conflict between the Wildlings and Black Brothers is short lived, however, after only a man or two dies fighting. One fellow with decidedly poor judgement shoots the giant (Wun Wun?) in the shoulder with a toothpick. The giant, with snappy ease, smashes that poor bastard full against a wall. All I could think right there is that's how it should have been when The Hulk did likewise to Loki. What a great, darkly funny moment. Do not eff with a giant...
King's Landing - We're down in what appears to be Flea Bottom, the seediest part of King's Landing (and that's saying something). We're having Cersei's walk of atonement recounted for us as a bit of a fisherman's tail. Apparently his fish was "this" big, and not only that, but the Queen-her-own-self was pretty impressed if he did-say-so-his-self. We roll our eyes and think back to one of the most harrowing experiences that someone could go through.
Later on, the Pride-of-Flea-Bottom is relieving himself in a back-alley and suddenly, it appears the sun has been blotted out. The Foley work here is amazing when, in simply the motion of him turning around to see a looming figure standing over him, the sound of trickling water on stone abruptly turns to water pattering on metal. Metal armor. Jump cut to Ser Robert Strong, Qyburn's undead monstrosity, towering over our new friend. With quickness that would have made Oberyn Martell proud, he splatters this guy's head all over the wall and walks away. I half expected him to be whistling to himself. The Queen still has ears in this city....
The massive Kingsguard returns to the Red Keep, his shining plate only bearing slight blood spattering on his right gauntlet. Cersei joins him to attend her daughter's wedding but finds that she's not to leave her quarters, ostensibly for her safety. She is not thrilled by this. It's also noteworthy that an entire contingent of Lannister guards almost collectively soil themselves at the prospect of any conflict with her bodyguard.
The Great Sept of Baelor - Jamie and Tommen stand over the deceased Myrcella, stone eyes ever open in the most unsettling fashion (they do seem, though, like Christopher Walken would approve). Tommen decries his feelings of inadequacy in protecting his wife and mother, feeling real sorrow and anger over what's transpired. Jamie being the ever dutiful
Jamie has some dialogue with the High Sparrow about the nature of Sin and who is and isn't deemed guilty, whose sins are worst, that need atonement, and Jamie enumerates his many sins, including treason, kingslaying and assisting in the escape of a convicted regicide. He says he'd happily shed blood in the holy place they stand in, as the Gods won't mind, having spilled more blood than all the petty mortals combined. Lancel and the faith militant show themselves and these guys look nastier every time we see them. You know that's Chekhov's Faith Militant at this point.
Cersei's Quarters - Tommen visits the Queen and lays his heart bare. It's a particularly well done scene where Lena Heady looks tortured, angry, sad and weary all before saying a word. She hears her son, trying to be King, trying to be strong, trying to do right by his family and feeling powerless. She embraces him and there is real love there, for all her faults. It's a beautiful scene.
Meereen - We see Tyrion and Varys meeting with Missandei and Grey Worm. Tyrion and Varys make some cracks at each other that are born of comfort and being friends both possessed of equally razor sharp wit. Conversation meanders from the toasted fleet, to the dragons and what to do about them. Tyrion suggests their captivity is positively the worst thing for them, and that it will keep them from reaching their full physical potential.
You might not know that by looking at them though... Tyrion makes his way into the bowels of the pyramid and if we didn't feel like Tyrion had a bit of plot armor, it would seem like those dragons would be having themselves a fun-size snack. As he approaches, he shows genuine awe, terror and sympathy for the captive animals, talking to them the same way you'd talk to a nervous horse; calming tones, gentle touch and slow movements. The dragons here, to me, look more unique than they ever have and both seem to have slightly differing personalities, just in terms of their body language and facial expressions (Dragon facial expressions?! How cool is that?!). Tyrion pulls the first pin and we see some real smarts in the animals when the second (can't yet tell which is Rhaegal or Vyserion, too dark) turns his neck after seeing Tyrion remove the first collar as if to say "Ah, I see where this is going. Get this off of me." Incredible.
Tyrion does the slow-to-rapidly-quickening steps of someone who just somehow looked dwarf-eating-death-machines in the face and lived, telling Varys that if he ever hears Tyrion have an idea like that again, to punch him in the face.
Braavos - Arya is still begging, and the Waif visits again. She starts the "No One" game, beating the tar out of her with her staff; Arya's attempts to block being woefully inadequate. After throwing herself into it, swinging at open air, Jaquen (or A Man who looks like him) appears and speaks. If a girl would give him her name, she would have a roof over her head, food, even her sight back. A girl has no name. She's told to come with him, and to leave her bowl. A girl isn't a beggar any longer.
Winterfell - And now we arrive to the location that most starkly (sorry) contrasts the opening scene of this episode; the shadow of what Winterfell once was.
Before I hit the actual content of the episode here, I just had a thought that struck me. How amazing is it that a location is able to stir these kinds of feelings? At the beginning of the series, Winterfell was the representation of "Home." It's the first castle we really become familiar with, the residents of which we come to love like family. It's a place where we expect warmth, shelter and protection; a bastion against the storms life can hurl at us. Now we see Winterfell in its ruined, bastardized state with the darkest scum the north has to offer blighting the halls we once loved. I ache to see Winterfell return to the hands of good....
On that note, we have Ramsay and Roose. Also we have a new guest to the party, Lord Rickard Karstark's son. Beheaded by Robb for treason and war crimes, the Karstark horde deserted. Now we know where they went.
Roose speaks with Ramsay, and they discuss the news that the contingent they sent after Sansa and Theon were taken apart, wholesale. They can't wrap their brains around how that happened, though if someone told them the truth, I doubt they'd believe that either. The Maid of Tarth went medieval on the lot of them and they didn't stand a ghost of a chance.
The conversation turns to Lady Walda and her advanced state of pregnancy. The Maester arrives and announces she's just given birth to a bouncing baby boy. Ramsay embraces his father and congratulates him. Roose, tells him that he'll always be his first born son. This is music to Ramsay's ears and to reward his sire's acceptance and approval, knife's Roose in the gut.
This honestly took me by surprise. I thought that he'd sneakily try to have the baby done away with and make it appear to be sickness or something to that effect. Roose was one of the biggest players involved in the Red Wedding. The last thing we're wanting is his death to be at the hands of one of the few people more despicable than he is. That being said, perhaps it is poetic that the evil serpent he'd been turning a blind eye to finally spun round and bit him. Either way, good riddance. Ramsay's not done, though... He sends for Lady Walda and the baby.
It must be said that for having just gone through labor, she was looking rather well. That aside, Ramsay plays the excited new big brother, holding the infant. The instant he even looked at that kid, my skin started crawling (this probably was not aided by the fact that my wife is going to be having our first baby soon). He's standing right next to that brazier and I'm half convinced he was going to just "Oops" and drop the kid in the fire. Instead, ever the pragmatist, he lures Walda into the kennels because, you know, any revolting act is fine for Ramsay so long as the dogs get fed.
In all fairness, I felt that this scene was done in possibly the tamest fashion possible. In terms of Ramsay's character, this had to happen. That it was done off screen, with some screams and growls as the primary sound effects was at least some kind of mercy for us. We know Ramsay is a sick animal, further evidence doesn't need to be any worse than it's been.
The one thing that intrigued me was how when Walda pleads with him, asking him to let her and the baby leave, that they would run and never come back, his face wasn't smirking or grinning sadistically. It actually looked like he was struggling, even briefly. There was a fraction of a second where his face twitches, as if he thought about it. Then he vocalized his preference for only-child-hood and whistled for the rabid dogs. The day this bastard gets gutted can't be soon enough.
The Wolfswood - We find Sansa and Theon, Pod and Brienne all setting up camp, resting and talking. Sansa is speaking with Brienne about difficult choices and having some momentary advice and words of wisdom from the first really kind-hearted, well-meaning figure that's been in her life in a long time. Sansa then speaks with Theon and we get a scene that is one of Alfie Allen's best.
In this moment, Sansa is speaking to Theon, offering him forgiveness. She sees the tragedy he's become, what he is now compared to how he used to be. We watch Theon, though, and see something amazing. He acknowledges it all. He lays his sins bare and his heart breaks with sorrow. Even offered the chance for refuge, protection and forgiveness, he says he doesn't want it, and we can see that his soul is now filled with nothing but remorse. He simply asks for a horse and when asked where he'll go, he simply says "...Home."
Pyke - At long last we arrive back at one of the most dismal specks the Seven Gods put on the planet, the Iron Islands. Never one to brighten a room, we find Baelon Greyjoy, Lord of the Iron Islands brooding in front of what is (whether you're a Greyjoy fan or not) objectively one of the most awesome fireplaces ever. He is having a heated discussion with his daughter, Theon's sister,
Asha exhorts Baelon to cut the war efforts. She gives him the reports of their losses and struggles on the mainland and Baelon's desire is to stay the course. He bellows "They call it The War of the Five Kings. Well four are dead and I'm still here!" Yara rebuts with sense but he won't hear it. He tells her to shut her mouth or he'll father another heir who'll do as they should. He storms out.
Heh. Storms out....
Baelon steps out onto one of those bouncy rope bridges we see in the opening credits linking Pyke's towers to one another. He encounters a dark figure who we learn is his brother. This guy is new, and strange. They exchange barbs and it becomes clear that his brother is supposed to have been long gone and is purported to be rather mad. Being a Greyjoy, it sounds like he's one hell of a pirate, with not quite the same pious bent as Baelon, claiming (perhaps facetiously) to be the Drowned God, and The Storm. Then he sends Baelon howling into the black waters far below.
At his funeral, we see Baelon is placed into a crab pod, to be shoved out to sea to feed said crabs and other aquatic life. We also meet another priest of the Drowned God who speaks rather gruffly to Yara about her wishes for the fate of the Iron Islands, her claim to it's seat and then we hear mention of a Kings Moot. What, you thought just because it was Game of Thrones that you'd escape the fact that it's an election year?
Castle Black - Davos has come to Melisadre to request aid. He enters like a gentleman and sees her in a state he's not seen her in before. Normally strikingly confident, radiating power, understanding and control, she now slumps in front of her hearth, lost in thought, brow heavy with worry and a tinge of despair. Davos does what it seemed seasons ago he'd never do: asks if she has magic she could use to bring back the Lord Commander.
Rewind to Season 3, we recall she met the Brotherhood Without Banners, including Beric Dondarion and our good buddy, the other Red Priest, Thoros of Myr. We recall that Thoros was able to bring The Lightning Lord back from death. Though powerful, Melisandre had never had that gift, nor had ever even seen it done. Even now, though she knew it to be possible, she has no faith in her ability to perform such a feat. She thinks Davos had been right about her all along. Davos turns to her and asks "Have you ever tried?"
Back in the room with Jon's body lying on the table, cold, lifeless and pale (with awful looking stab-wounds), Davos and The Holdouts stand, Melisandre entering. It seems Davos' words were enough to get her to give it one last shot.
She prepares. She cleans Jon's body of the mess the stabbings had made. She trims his hair and beard, dropping the clippings into the fire, praying and chanting all the while. Laying her hands on him, she closes her eyes and prays. Her face tightens in concentration as she prays in another tongue, finally pausing to whisper a quiet "....please."
She finishes the ritual. Tormund leaves, the others leave, even Melisandre leaves. Davos gives the body one last lingering look, sadness and worry etched on every line in his face, and leaves as well. Just as we found Jon when he first arrived at Castle Black, his only friend a loyal-to-the-bone, snow-white dire wolf, so we leave him. Camera hovering above Jon almost like an out-of-body experience, we look down on a man who would have been... could have been the Hero that broken Westeros needed.
Then his eyes snap open, he jolts awake, music kicks in, credits roll and windows shatter across the world at the screams of millions of fangirls everywhere.
Welcome back, Jon. Time to go to work.
This is some damn exciting TV and what an incredible episode. Thank you all for reading, and join me next week for Season 6, Episode 3. Who the hell knows what's gonna happen next.
As always, be sure to check out the reviews our buddies from Boiled Leather are doing over at Rolling Stone and The Nerdstream Era!
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